Life After Paternity Leave

Paternity leave is just like two week holidays. The first half feels like never ending bliss – the summer holidays of youth. But once you pass the halfway line the deadline looms. You start a countdown and question is this really week two? Where did it go? Fuck it’s over and the horrible real world is about to suck me up again. 

I’ve felt this lingering dread for a few days. Despite me spending half of my time on my phone, because I’m a fucking loser with FOMO issues, I don’t want to lose my parenting partner. He’s made life sweet. Plus this holiday ending is all new. I’m not going back to a job I know. I’m starting a new life with new pleasures and new pains. I’m starting to care for a total dependent without the dependable permanent help of another. I’m entering the total unknown over which I feel no control. I wonder how I’ll cope. Really I panic that I won’t.

But it dawned on me. My new life and the unknown adventures can’t begin without paternity leave ending. It’s like getting married and realizing that before getting on your dreamy honeymoon flight the dreamy wedding has to finish. I have to accept one ending for another beginning and if I’m honest, and allow myself to overcome my initial fear, I’m really fucking excited. 

I’m excited for RB to grow. I’m excited to put myself to the test (and realize I have to eat my words about the kind of parent I’ll be). I’m excited to put my plan to action and spend some midweek time in London (I left for my husband’s work two years ago and I miss it so). I’m excited to meet my husband for lunch with our son. I’m excited to learn who RB wants to be and figure out how I help him get there. I’m excited for what RB helps me figure out about myself, and how he helps me get there. 

For any of that to happen I need to listen to the Zen Dog:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s